My Love, Jakarta

When I close my eyes, I’m there
When I fly away, I’m there
I wish I were there, my Jakarta..

Then I close my eyes and pray
That soon I’ll find my way
to place that I call home, my Jakarta..

(A snippet of lyrics of my yet-to-be-finished song)

So. Last year brainwashed people attacked Mumbai far away in India and I was upset about it.

So imagine how I felt when I came to know that my own hometown, the town that cherished and brought me up, was bombed. Again.

To say that I’m upset is a terrible understatement.

 Fine. I know that bombings are really a “usual” thing in Indonesia. Like how worse can it get? I was in Jakarta when the first bombing of Marriott occurred (yes it wasn’t the first one). Also when there were several Christmas Eve bombings. Also when the Australia Embassy was bombed. Been there done that buddy.

I think it’s particularly bad because this happened after years of peace and great economy growth for Indonesia. And of course it’s bad because it happened just right after elections. Some people say it’s a rage from those defeated president hopefuls but hey.. Don’t point your fingers just yet.

So screw you, whoever planted that bomb and thought it was a great thing that you’re destined to do (I’ve received reports that they were suicide bombers but I can’t confirm just yet – please read the news). Because you know what? Indonesia unites and we will seriously screw you.

I am angered and full of hate, but I remember that hate was the thing that started it all in the first place. So come, let’s not scoop down to their level. Resist and they’ll be gone. Hopefully forever.

Stay away from my Jakarta, my Indonesia, because it rocks and it can be better again. We’ve come out stronger and stronger after a series of unfortunate events and there’s no reason that we can’t come out stronger again.

Oh and to you Jakarta citizens who only lamented that Manchester United cancelled their plan for a friendly match in Jakarta because of the bombings, screw you too. People died and some are badly injured and you only care for that? Just how egoistic can you be? Look I know it was a hard hard effort to even get the tickets but hello! People died! Can you imagine if that happened to your family? A person’s life wasted makes all your reasons for lamenting of cancelled MU match void.

So anyway.

Come on Jakarta. We can fight them together.

Down with (not swine/H1N1) flu

I am currently down with flu. I started coughing on Thursday afternoon. I thought it’s just a normal coughing, but due to the recent paranoia over H1N1 coming to Singapore shores, I decided to check at the school doctor. I didn’t go travel anywhere over the few weeks so he dismissed the possibility of H1N1. (I was about to tell him that I did go to the airport to see my boyfriend before he flew off to Jakarta, but then I went to the airport after I got my first coughs)

On my way to the doctor, on my way to the airport, on the way back from the airport, I was always afraid to cough. Because I was afraid people will think bad things about me (like OH NOES THE GIRL IS COUGHING I MIGHT GET SWINE FLU HOW HOW HOW???)

Seriously, I think this paranoia thing is a bit too much. I found out that the H1N1 flu’s fatality rate is low (just slightly higher than usual seasonal flu). Even the patient zero in Singapore is recovering well. Oh by the way, just because I’m an SMU student doesn’t mean I have increased risk of H1N1. The SMU girl went to the doctor in Bedok area, I didn’t go on the BSM NY trip, so no. Seriously.

Perhaps in Singapore they were already scared about what happened with SARS several years ago?

And by the way, I’m seriously irked by how a newspaper revealed the patient zero’s name (who has requested not to reveal her name – at least in her statement to SMU). Cut it off, will ya. It’s not like she intentionally wanted to contract the virus.

Anyway, I’m quite contained in home right now. I only went out to eat (at the famous Whampoa makan place no less!), then went back to home to gulp down my medicine. It’s a partial home quarantine, I guess.

Hope I get well soon. I’ll need to shop for some stuff for my impending trip to Russia!

Oh and by the way, contact me or e-mail the choir at chamberchoir@smu.edu.sg to get your tickets for the choir’s fundraising concert! $15 each! (details at picture below)

What’s inside your Bible? (or any holy scriptures)

I remember years ago when I was in junior high school, I borrowed a book from the library titled (if I’m not wrong) “Kisah-kisah yang Menyentuh Hati”/ “Touching Stories”. It is said to be a book that compiles stories that are frequently referenced by priests/preachers/basically any religious leaders.

I remember years ago I chanced upon this particular story. It was titled “What’s Inside Your Bible?”. So inside the story was a little boy who was asked by his Sunday School teacher about, well, what’s inside your bible. The answer should have been obvious. Words of GOD. Or perhaps rather 66 books of scriptures (with 1189 chapters and 31101 verses in King James version. I’m pretty sure the Indonesian version has loads more than that). The boy answered “There’s my Mom’s shopping list, a picture of my sister’s boyfriend, Dad’s stuff, Grandma’s stuff” (can’t remember what the other stuff was).

As I’m going through my stuff to pack them up (I’m going to move out in a week), I found my bible. Somebody (I think it was one of my parents – Dad or Mom, I’m not sure. It could have been my then already-Catholic uncles too) bought me this Bible on February 12th 2000 (yes I wrote it in the Bible along with my name, my address, and my phone number). As per Catholic tradition, the Bible was supposed to be blessed by a priest. To anticipate that the 11-year-old me wrote “Date of blessing:” just below the “Date given:”. To cut my “lost period” stories short, I never got the bible blessed.

When I was in junior high school too, there were always daily bible and reflection readings everyday. It was a Christian school so yeah. Students took turns everyday. Everyday there would be a group of students that are responsible for that day’s daily tasks, including cleaning up the whiteboard and the readings. One student will do the opening prayer, one student will read the bible, one student will read the reflection (we read Saat Teduh, Indonesian version of The Upper Room), then one student will do the closing prayer.

Everyday, there would always be one highlighted verse of the Bible. Each day, for about 2 or 3 years (I think I stopped after a while but I can’t remember), I would highlight those verses in my Bible. As the result, the pages of my Bible now are gleaming in different shades : blue, pink, yellow, orange, etc. depends on what colour of the highlighter I owned at that time (or the highlighter I borrowed from a friend).

I attempted to read the Bible from front to back once but failed. I think I stopped at Genesis 27. Really low motivation that time, I guess. As I was reading, I highlighted a lot of verses along the way too.

Not only highlighted verses, I also found a lot of bookmarks. Bookmarks that were given to me in Sunday School, a bookmark that I made myself at an arts and crafts class (I guess), and some handmade bookmarks I made from scrap papers – containing mostly mushy messages about my love for my boyfriend that time.

My point -and the story’s point is : a Bible is not only a book containing words by GOD or a collection of 66 scriptures. It’s a part of your life. Too often a bible is seen as the holy book, decorated nicely and left untouched. Or it is only used at special events. What good can unheard words of GOD do to you then?

Take your Bible and make it yours. 

So what’s inside your Bible? (Or Koran, Tripitaka, Weda, etc.?)

Photo by nyello8 available under CC BY License

Indonesian Chinese

Indonesian Chinese
Chinese Indonesian
Chindo
Indochina
Cokin
Tong ngin
Tionghoa
Cina

There are a lot of things people use to call me and similar people : a person of Chinese descent/ancestry who was born and raised in Indonesia.

But in English-speaking world, I always choose to call myself “Indonesian Chinese”.

Sometimes I don’t use it at all, fearing discrimination or sorts. But most of the time, I’m proud of using it. Really.

Never mind about the grammatical rule or anything. Perhaps it should have been Chinese Indonesian, since an adjective should be placed in front of a noun, yes? But then both Chinese and Indonesian can be both adjectives or nouns so.. I don’t know. I’ve found at least two books in SMU Li Ka Shing Library about people like me using different terms : Chinese Indonesian or Indonesian Chinese.

But I chose to use Indonesian Chinese because of this : I’m always an Indonesian first, then a Chinese. Chinese is merely my ancestry, my heritage. Granted, I grew up in a Chinese culture too, being always pushed for the best and punished for being ordinary. But above all, I consider myself an Indonesian. Always. And will always be. (okay honestly I should see in some years’ time, that if they continue to make it difficult for me to travel overseas just because of my citizenship, i’ll seriously consider changing citizenship for practical reasons)

I know May 1998 incidents might have supposedly made me against my country and the so-called indigenous people (how can you say I’m not indigenous too when I was born on the same land as you?). But I didn’t. I don’t know why. I can list a lot of cheesy reasons like how Indonesian nature captivates me, how I love Indonesian food, how Indonesian people are so friendly, and the blah. But no. I love my country, and just like any other type of love, does it really need a reason?

So to so-called native/indigenous Indonesians that refuse to recognize me and others as Indonesians, remember. Indonesia is a melting pot. Living in a melting pot is not the same with, say, a cupboard? In a cupboard you sit and live together with other things, but in a melting pot, we become one. OK I know cupboard is a silly analogy but you get what I mean (I hope).

Whatever happened to Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, man.

Oh and, no, not all of us are rich. Believe it or not, at my very first room in Singapore, the maid employed in the apartment is an Indonesian Chinese.

And where else did you think your “mi ayam” and “siomay” come from?

photo by Midori

photo by Chandra

I know. Yum.

And to people who think that I’m not Chinese because I can’t speak or read Mandarin or because I don’t do things in a Chinese way, this post is my answer. I’m always an Indonesian first then a Chinese. After all I don’t wanna be a Chinese that demeans and teases other people like you.

To Do Yourself A Favour

We get depressed.

Of course we do. Things don’t always go our way. Right?

Sometimes I find myself in a situation so depressing, I feel crippled to do anything. It’s all so impossible, and I’ll feel helpless.

But now, I think, sometimes I depress myself. It’s not the situation that depresses me, it’s me. Me myself and I. I let the situation depress me. I let the situation bring me down.

I remember one time when there was a CEO giving a talk in SMU. Gah, I forgot his name and his company. But I remember one quote, just that one quote from him. “If you start blaming other things but yourself for your failure, perhaps it’s time for you to do self instropection”.

Ok anyway, let’s just cut this short. I got this idea of “doing yourself a favour” after I finished cleaning up my room yesterday.

So, I finally cleaned up my room. (because a new tenant is coming to view the room) A spring cleaning a year too late. Yes, I have a very dirty, untidy, and disgusting room. (Ok not as bad as this room, but still) It’s a miracle how my boyfriend didn’t complain about it.

The (amazing) truth is, I’m actually a very neat freak person. Ok not as OCD as people who can’t bear see their things move one cm to the right, but I like to keep things in order. Ask people who have travelled with me and ask them how many ziplocs/containers I brought. One for electronic things, one for medicine, one for toiletries, one for make up, you got the idea.

So yeah. I got myself depressed by the state of my room. Things spread everywhere. Dust everywhere. Cupboards covered with dust and whatnots. I can’t find things anywhere. The best thing was I kept blaming the not conducive room for my not effective studying/learning/whatever thing I do inside the room. And also for my insomnia.

But as you might have realized…. The problem is in myself. It was my room, and it was ME who didn’t clean it up. It was me who created the not conducive environment. It was me who caused my own insomnia.

So I did myself a favour. I cleaned up the whole room. Set aside 2-3 hours (per day, for two days) just to make them squeaky clean. I cleaned them from dust. I rearranged my books and my other stuff. I threw away everything I didn’t need. 

The room is now clean, neat, and homey. A bit ironic, though, since I’m moving out next month (and I haven’t got a room because the ones I call always say it’s a bit too early to “promise” me the room).

But anyway. That’s not the point. So please, guys, next time when you are in a depressing situation, think again. Was it really the situation, or was it you that did not do anything to get rid of it? Face it, sometimes it’s really you, and I know it’s hard to accept the truth because having a responsibility to change a situation is daunting. Do yourself a favour. Work to get rid of the situation.

You are in charge of your own pleasure, happiness, and satisfaction. I have nothing to proof this statement but seriously, if it’s not you, then who/what?

Again. Do yourself a favour.

Don’t Write. Talk.

I started writing this entry around 1 month ago and forgot to finish it.

I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button some days ago (it was a midnight movie). I intended to write this after watching the movie but I was too tired.

Anyway, this is not a review of the movie. If you want to read reviews, there are tons of blogs or websites out there.

In one of the scene, Benjamin Button visited his sweetheart to New York. She just finished dancing, and he approached her in the backstage. Anyway, in that particular scene, I saw vintage looking telephones behind Benjamin. On it was a sticker that said “Don’t write. Talk”.

Remember that the scene was set in 1940s, when telephones just started to be used widely (more information : timeline of telephone).

I was just thinking how ironic it is now. People that time were desperate to get in touch. Before telephone, people can only send mails and perhaps some greeting cards. Even before that, messages can be only delivered by couriers, and it took days, weeks, even months to reach.

Think about the situation now. Telephone became passe and internet came along. Soon enough everyone is using it as the primary communication tool. Why do we need to punch in numbers when a double click can start us to talk?

And we communicate basically on writing. We use emoticons sometimes to aid in expressing emotions (and that’s why they’re called emoticons no?), but, you know, it’s still just writing.

And with this writing misunderstandings occur. People say you’re flaming, but you’ll say you didn’t, and people shouldn’t infer anything from written things.

I think it’s just ironic. When people have finally invented a device to let use hear and even see each other despite great distance, we chose to retreat behind written words. Yet again.

Are we going backwards in evolution?

Perhaps in near future, even words won’t even be needed anymore. Perhaps we’ll use sign languages to communicate. Perhaps later language is not important anymore, since we can so-called read minds to know what people are thinking and we don’t need to voice out our opinions.

The things to do at 2009

Ok I have 27 minutes to finish this blog post (I started writing at 23:33 PM Singapore time).

I’ve always hated the idea of making resolutions. Why should we? Why wait until new year to do/get new things?

But then I’m changing a lot this year so I guess.. I’m gonna make a resolution for the next year. But since I still quite hate the word resolution because it’s used too often, let’s just call it in layman term : “the things to do at 2009″.

So what to do? I have this idea from a person I know (identity hidden to protect privacy ), when he asked me about 3 things : What you want to start doing, what you want to stop doing, and what you want to do less. So let’s just group “the things to do at 2009″ to these 3 categories, shall we?

What to stop doing

“What to stop doing” and “what to do less” is a bit tricky. It’s very close to each other. Some things you have to really stop, quit, until it’s zilch, nada because it’s better that way. Some things you just have to do a wee bit less, because not doing it (at all) will be detrimental. Don’t think too much for that sentence coz I dunno what I’m talking about either. Anyway. What to stop doing. I want to stop doing emotional eating. AKA I’m so stressed so I’ll just eat. This includes pressing down the cravings too. I know my weight is really bordering dangerous, and seeing my grandpa’s down with diabetes, and knowing that my mom already has diabetes, I can’t help being scared can I? So I have to really really cut down on that emotional eating stuff. No, I have to stop. For the first step, I’ll probably eat some fruits whenever that emotional eating wind hits me.

What to start doing

I want to start doing a big project. A big project that I can be proud of. Perhaps writing a novel. Or setting up an online shop. Honestly, I don’t know yet. But I want to have a project, a baby that I care for, besides my mundane life that circles around school and school. Another thing to start doing, I want to start to let/force my logic take over my emotions. This is in line with the point above : to stop emotional eating. Whenever that emotional eating wind hits me and whenever craving comes, my logic knows exactly that I shouldn’t do the eating. Coz eating again and again will just make me even fatter and getting fatter will make me stressed and I’m gonna eat again and.. You know the whole cycle. So yeah. I hope I can lose weight to my healthy weight range the next year! (now this sounds like a typical resolution)

What to do less

Now it was quite tricky to think about things to put here. I wanted to put them in “what to stop doing” immediately but after I think again.. Nah, maybe not. Anyway… So what I think I should do less. I think I should do less worrying. I’m such a worrywart and sometimes it’s bordering panicky or as Singaporeans say it, kan chiong. The thing is, I worry so much that it stresses me out and giving me even more problems (most notably my irregular sleep cycle and my insomnia). However, I believe that I should not stop worrying, like really thinking about nothing in the future and everything. I believe I should worry just a bit. I believe I should keep looking forward to the future. What will my action get me to? What will my decision bring me to? What are the things I should keep in check? And of course also worrying (but not too much) whether I’ve been really doing what I’ve promised myself to do in 2009 (aka the things to do at 2009). So yeah. 

And I guess another thing to do less is spending too much time online. You know, facebook and plurk and everything else. Talking with people online and stalking them and you know… The stuff you do online. I think I’m too used to do these that it borders addiction. (Or maybe i’m already addicted). I guess I should spend more time outside online life, like doing gyms to lose weight or working on big project. However, I believe I should not really really stop and disconnect, coz I believe in the power of online connections. And, urgh, no matter how I hate to say that term, social media is THE place, THE thing to go for 2009, and probably a few more years. I believe immersing in this stuff (I just hate saying that term for no reason, sorry) will benefit me greatly in the long run.

So yeah. Phew. I finished it before it’s new year. (it’s 23:53 when I’m writing these letters right now)

Here’s a greeting of Happy New Year to all my readers and wishing you all the good things! (coz I’m too lazy to specify the things)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!!!!

Wiping the dust off my blog

I know you’ll be like “Oh well, what’s new? Sylv disappeared without announcement and went back to post several trivial stuff.”

Nothing new, I will say.

Just let me tell you this : I’ve been writing, a lot. I’ve used writing as my way to channel my frustrations and whatnots since I was young.

But the thing of being a blogger is that you’ll always have to think about who will read the posts, about what to say and not to say, about what impact the post might have, etc etc etc. Yes, even personal posts, the so-called unimportant blogposts about how a day went through and everything, morons. Getting a friend angry over a blogpost is just too ridiculous and tacky.

So what I did was, I picked up a pen, and I grabbed my (unruled – this is important) notebook and wrote. I’ve been writing in another site too (can’t be bothered to link it now), and because the thoughts are jumbled and incoherent, I can’t bear myself to publish this in the blog (which I try so hard to maintain as a blog with coherent/cohesive sentences).

So.. What else should I say.

Ah. Out of boredom, I announced on plurk that I’m gonna send some people christmas cards. Hillary said “No! Don’t kill the trees!” and ding! Something appeared on my mind. Why don’t I make cards from recycled materials?

Without further ado, here’s my first one : (too lazy to make the next ones wahahaha)

Materials used : pizza box, cut-outs from brochures/promotional materials, cut-outs from newspaper. Tools used : cutter, glue, markers, scissors.

I’m actually thinking of making this into a charity event or something. You get one from me for a small amount of money and I’ll donate the money to some causes. Can’t figure out what cause to donate and how much should I charge and everything though.

Would you guys be interested though? Tell me in the comments (or you can reach me from, well, anywhere. For instance, the Contact Form is apparently very nifty!).

That’s all for now.