The End is Near

As cliche as it may sound, it’s true.

My years in SMU (and possibly Singapore) is ending. In approximately 7 months, I will receive a fancy-looking scroll, take photos in my big baggy regalia, and throw my square hats to the air.

When I first came to SMU, I was 17. I thought I was ready for everything – I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do yet. I thought within 4 years, something, somehow, would come to me and I would steer my way to that.

But nuh-uh. Not quite. Sadly.

When I first tried my hands on programming/coding, I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. Then more stuff came about networking, information security, enterprise integration, architectural analysis, more network infrastructure, etc etc etc. I thought maybe I should just find my feet. Maybe it would get better.

It didn’t.

Year after year, I spent my years in SMU (still) trying to find out what I should do in life. I kept doing everything I want. I blogged actively and became active in a blogging scene. I joined a choir and sang with them in a myriad of performances. I even tried out to become a songwriter – my song was showcased in a musical play in 2008. I managed a gamelan (Indonesian music ensemble) club. I did two internships. I did a web design/development one, and then I did an online marketing (as account executive) one.

I kept waiting for that one moment when, at the drop of a hat, I feel some butterflies – when I feel that this is what I want to do. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is what I’m glad to be doing now – and many years to come.

It didn’t come.

So right now, as the end is looming, I’ve given some thoughts that there are two things that I can do right now.

1. Keep trying different things. Even if I don’t like it, at least I’ll know what I’m not supposed to do.

2. Choose. Separate the sheep from the goats. And make peace, be at ease with whatever my choice is.

Right now, I know my time is running out to try even more different things. Honestly? After 20 years, I’m tired. My parents were great to give me a lot of opportunities to try and do different things. But I’m tired now. I’m 20, I’m about to graduate from university, I suck at school, and I have no direction where to go.

So the next best thing is to choose. Yet I don’t know what to choose, what to do for many many years to come. How can I plan for those years to come if I can’t even decide what to do immediately after I finished all my classes in SMU? Should I go to China to study Mandarin? Should I go back to Jakarta and enjoy relaxed life before working life? Should I stay in Singapore and try to find a job immediately?

Hell, I can’t even plan on what to eat tomorrow.

PS: If you see a lot of idioms scattered around this post, this is because my professor suggested me that I should practice on using more idioms. I’m glad that she actually likes my writing, but she said my grammar and use of idioms let me down. So this is the best avenue to practice!

My Writings

I came across some of my older writings and I could feel the strong emotion there, I cried.

I hope I can write like that, again…

On the other note, NaNoWriMo has started. Yet I haven’t written a single word for my novel. I spent my day working on a case study (yes, a freaking full case study!) instead. Writing, of course. I swear I’ve written more than the recommended 500-words-per-day NaNoWriMo quota.

I’ve got drafts lined up, and I hope I’ll be feeling great enough to finish and post them all.

Remind me not to be too perfectionist. Sometimes my most spontaneous writings, like the one I mentioned in the beginning, are the best ones.

Test Post from Windows Live Writer

Been meaning to try this out for quite some time… I know, I know. I’m a Mac traitor.

My mac is currently undergoing repair because the fans don’t work. It’s a sign, perhaps.

Anyway, I’m using my boyfriend’s netbook right now. Lenovo S10. Very little and cute. The small keyboard needed some time to get used to, but overall it’s pretty great. No lagging, no crashing.

But by my experience usually when I start saying that it starts doing all funny thing.

Ok that’s all for my post! *ducks from rocks thrown*

By the way this WLW is really pretty spiffy. WYSIWYG editor, and it draws all the categories and tags available from my blog.

Last Photos from St Petersburg – Midnight Boat Trip, Griboyedov Canal

I know it’s odd to start with the last photos, but I just want to do so.

The reason why is that these photos were taken by my phone (Nokia N70) instead of my camera (Sony T70). Pardon the quality. Ahem. Anyway. I’m a big freak of categorizing I even had to separate photos taken by different devices. Heh. Don’t look at me like that.

On the last night we spent in St Petersburg, several friends and I decided to go on a midnight boat trip through the Neva River, THE river of St Petersburg. Why midnight, you ask. Well when we were in St Petersburg back then it was the season of “White Nights”. Sunsets are late, sunrises are early, and darkness is never complete (White Nights on Wikipedia). Needless to say, this is a rare event, once in a year period. After cursing the nights because we were not being able to sleep for nights (it’s always still bright!), it was only fair then to appreciate the beauty of these White Nights.

By the way, if you ever go to St Petersburg and would like to go on the same boat trip, I recommend you Anglotourismo.

We started the boat trip cruising along the Neva River (after passing Fontanka River – where we boarded the boat and Moika River). A lot of the landmarks of St Petersburg can be found on the sides of Neva River. 

We passed by Spit of Vasilievsky Island. The island was meant to be the city centre of St Petersburg, but it turned out that it wasn’t feasible to do so. As of why it wasn’t feasible, I can’t really remember. Hehe. It remains a completely beautiful island with a perfect view of Hermitage (the Winter Palace), and the architecture is perfectly symmetrical.

This is Peter the Great Museum of Anthropology and Ethnography. Also known as Kunstkamera (Chamber of Curiosities), it originally served as a place for Peter the Great’s quirky and strange private collections of fishes/reptiles/insects in bottles and other science instruments. According to the guide, nobody really wanted to visit the museum when it was first opened (in 1719), so Peter the Great had to give free vodka and sandwich to the people just so they’ll visit!

This is the building of St Petersburg Academy of Arts. Most of St Petersburg’s best artists were educated here.

And here we go to the star of the boat trip : the drawn bridges!

They have to draw the bridges at night to let boats pass through. Just before the bridge is drawn, warning lights will light up and you can see cars quickly zooming on the bridge. That makes sense because if you don’t make it in time, you can get stuck for hours on the wrong side of the river

This is the Palace Bridge, the most famous draw bridge in St Petersburg. It has been on tons of  postcards, mugs, t-shirts, and God knows what else. I guess it’s easy to see why

Another shot. I love how the street lamps all go up too

The next bridge that went up – Holy Trinity Bridge. Unlike Palace Bridge that opens/draws at the middle, Holy Trinity Bridge only opens/draws the very last arch.

Does the Holy Trinity Bridge remind you of something…?

The company who constructed the Holy Trinity Bridge was the same one that constructed Eiffel Tower.

And that’s the end of our midnight boat trip.

On the very next day (our last day ever in St Petersburg), we went to walk on the sides of Griboyedov Canal. This canal is perpendicular to Nevsky Prospekt, THE road of St Petersburg. It also flows to the side of Church of the Saviour on Spilled Blood. In case you need a reminder of how that beautiful church looks like…

So let’s see the church as it’s seen from the canal!

We also went to see this bridge called “Bank Bridge”.

There are 4 griffins decorating the bridge. At that time, the griffins were being repainted so you can see some patches.

By the way, right behind this griffin is University of Economics and Finance. Located very near to the main street of St Petersburg, I can’t help to associate it with SMU

That is all today. I’ll get other pictures up and about soon (I think…….).

Bigger photos in Facebook photo album : St Petersburg June 2009 – Midnight boat trip and Griboyedov Canal. I had to resize the photos in this blog post so that it doesn’t “overflow” from my post box.

Before you know it…

Drafts written, saved, and never being looked at again.

Logged in, logged out.

Pages seen.

Inspiration came, inspiration gone.

A month has gone by!

What can I say? Same as you, I’m effing tired of saying I have no inspiration, and that I’ll write some other time, some other day, like years from now?

I’m effing tired of not admitting that microblogging has seriously taken over my blogging.

I’m effing tired of keeping this blog.

Maybe before you know it this blog will be gone.

Somewhere deep inside, we’re all musicians.

I can’t help to share this. Usually this is not my style to just post a video or a link on a go. But I just really want to post this up.

Check this out: Bobby McFerrin (ahem, I bet you know “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, right?) “hacks” your brain.

He gives 2 or 3 starting notes, and then voila! Like magic, the audience sang together with him. Confused? Not clear? Just check out the video

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.

Perhaps somewhere deep inside, we’re really all musicians. After all it’s one of the oldest form of entertainment isn’t it?

Thank you BoingBoing for the link. (and thank you, StumbleUpon! :P)

Home on the Range

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day

Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day

For some reason, this song keeps ringing in my head. It came upon midnight clear onto my head, and as a result I put it on my MSN personal message. Everytime I open that MSN main window I see the lyrics, and it’s ringing in my head again. Repeat the cycle.

This is weird, because all my life I have always been living in a city with all the modern conveniences. Oh well, perhaps that’s why. I long for laid back, friendly, happy life on a country side. I need to go to Bangka, my dad’s hometown, soon.

By the way, do you know that “Home on the Range” is the state song of Kansas, USA? Here is the list of the state songs of USA.

Here’s the (static) video of the song.

My Love, Jakarta

When I close my eyes, I’m there
When I fly away, I’m there
I wish I were there, my Jakarta..

Then I close my eyes and pray
That soon I’ll find my way
to place that I call home, my Jakarta..

(A snippet of lyrics of my yet-to-be-finished song)

So. Last year brainwashed people attacked Mumbai far away in India and I was upset about it.

So imagine how I felt when I came to know that my own hometown, the town that cherished and brought me up, was bombed. Again.

To say that I’m upset is a terrible understatement.

 Fine. I know that bombings are really a “usual” thing in Indonesia. Like how worse can it get? I was in Jakarta when the first bombing of Marriott occurred (yes it wasn’t the first one). Also when there were several Christmas Eve bombings. Also when the Australia Embassy was bombed. Been there done that buddy.

I think it’s particularly bad because this happened after years of peace and great economy growth for Indonesia. And of course it’s bad because it happened just right after elections. Some people say it’s a rage from those defeated president hopefuls but hey.. Don’t point your fingers just yet.

So screw you, whoever planted that bomb and thought it was a great thing that you’re destined to do (I’ve received reports that they were suicide bombers but I can’t confirm just yet – please read the news). Because you know what? Indonesia unites and we will seriously screw you.

I am angered and full of hate, but I remember that hate was the thing that started it all in the first place. So come, let’s not scoop down to their level. Resist and they’ll be gone. Hopefully forever.

Stay away from my Jakarta, my Indonesia, because it rocks and it can be better again. We’ve come out stronger and stronger after a series of unfortunate events and there’s no reason that we can’t come out stronger again.

Oh and to you Jakarta citizens who only lamented that Manchester United cancelled their plan for a friendly match in Jakarta because of the bombings, screw you too. People died and some are badly injured and you only care for that? Just how egoistic can you be? Look I know it was a hard hard effort to even get the tickets but hello! People died! Can you imagine if that happened to your family? A person’s life wasted makes all your reasons for lamenting of cancelled MU match void.

So anyway.

Come on Jakarta. We can fight them together.