My Grey World

We get depressed.

Of course we do. Things don’t always go our way. Right?

Sometimes I find myself in a situation so depressing, I feel crippled to do anything. It’s all so impossible, and I’ll feel helpless.

But now, I think, sometimes I depress myself. It’s not the situation that depresses me, it’s me. Me myself and I. I let the situation depress me. I let the situation bring me down.

I remember one time when there was a CEO giving a talk in SMU. Gah, I forgot his name and his company. But I remember one quote, just that one quote from him. “If you start blaming other things but yourself for your failure, perhaps it’s time for you to do self instropection”.

Ok anyway, let’s just cut this short. I got this idea of “doing yourself a favour” after I finished cleaning up my room yesterday.

So, I finally cleaned up my room. (because a new tenant is coming to view the room) A spring cleaning a year too late. Yes, I have a very dirty, untidy, and disgusting room. (Ok not as bad as this room, but still) It’s a miracle how my boyfriend didn’t complain about it.

The (amazing) truth is, I’m actually a very neat freak person. Ok not as OCD as people who can’t bear see their things move one cm to the right, but I like to keep things in order. Ask people who have travelled with me and ask them how many ziplocs/containers I brought. One for electronic things, one for medicine, one for toiletries, one for make up, you got the idea.

So yeah. I got myself depressed by the state of my room. Things spread everywhere. Dust everywhere. Cupboards covered with dust and whatnots. I can’t find things anywhere. The best thing was I kept blaming the not conducive room for my not effective studying/learning/whatever thing I do inside the room. And also for my insomnia.

But as you might have realized…. The problem is in myself. It was my room, and it was ME who didn’t clean it up. It was me who created the not conducive environment. It was me who caused my own insomnia.

So I did myself a favour. I cleaned up the whole room. Set aside 2-3 hours (per day, for two days) just to make them squeaky clean. I cleaned them from dust. I rearranged my books and my other stuff. I threw away everything I didn’t need. 

The room is now clean, neat, and homey. A bit ironic, though, since I’m moving out next month (and I haven’t got a room because the ones I call always say it’s a bit too early to “promise” me the room).

But anyway. That’s not the point. So please, guys, next time when you are in a depressing situation, think again. Was it really the situation, or was it you that did not do anything to get rid of it? Face it, sometimes it’s really you, and I know it’s hard to accept the truth because having a responsibility to change a situation is daunting. Do yourself a favour. Work to get rid of the situation.

You are in charge of your own pleasure, happiness, and satisfaction. I have nothing to proof this statement but seriously, if it’s not you, then who/what?

Again. Do yourself a favour.

I started writing this entry around 1 month ago and forgot to finish it.

I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button some days ago (it was a midnight movie). I intended to write this after watching the movie but I was too tired.

Anyway, this is not a review of the movie. If you want to read reviews, there are tons of blogs or websites out there.

In one of the scene, Benjamin Button visited his sweetheart to New York. She just finished dancing, and he approached her in the backstage. Anyway, in that particular scene, I saw vintage looking telephones behind Benjamin. On it was a sticker that said “Don’t write. Talk”.

Remember that the scene was set in 1940s, when telephones just started to be used widely (more information : timeline of telephone).

I was just thinking how ironic it is now. People that time were desperate to get in touch. Before telephone, people can only send mails and perhaps some greeting cards. Even before that, messages can be only delivered by couriers, and it took days, weeks, even months to reach.

Think about the situation now. Telephone became passe and internet came along. Soon enough everyone is using it as the primary communication tool. Why do we need to punch in numbers when a double click can start us to talk?

And we communicate basically on writing. We use emoticons sometimes to aid in expressing emotions (and that’s why they’re called emoticons no?), but, you know, it’s still just writing.

And with this writing misunderstandings occur. People say you’re flaming, but you’ll say you didn’t, and people shouldn’t infer anything from written things.

I think it’s just ironic. When people have finally invented a device to let use hear and even see each other despite great distance, we chose to retreat behind written words. Yet again.

Are we going backwards in evolution?

Perhaps in near future, even words won’t even be needed anymore. Perhaps we’ll use sign languages to communicate. Perhaps later language is not important anymore, since we can so-called read minds to know what people are thinking and we don’t need to voice out our opinions.

Hi, I’ve been away for quite long and I won’t be really returning to my regular posting schedule soon, due to my busy schedule. Nevertheless I would like to share with you an opportunity to win XBOX 360! Enjoy.

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It rocks. I love my car with my driver. And my piano. And my cable TV. Soon enough I’ll be watching DVDs non stop. Heh.

I love this city with all the irony. I love the city which has grand malls and luxurious apartments followed by slums and almost-torn-down homes and small coffee shops right at the next block.

It kinda reminds me about how everything is just never perfect. And can never be perfect.

And I feel the strong determination in my city. I don’t care if you say my people are slackers and whatnots. These people struggle to even survive, without thinking how to live a life. What’s life if surviving is hard?

One week, I’m gonna breathe the polluted air and eat food seasoned with dust from door-to-door hawkers. This is how millions of people live and I’m a part of them.

While of course, I’ll also enjoy the car and the driver at the same time.

…in the air.

I’m pretty sure some of my loyal readers (thank you for keep visiting my site even though I don’t update it hahaha :P) will hate me now. After missing for so long (busy lah, sorry), now I’m back just to shamelessly PLUG PLUG PLUG my oncoming choir concert!!!

But actually it can’t be categorized as plugging since this blog is my own blog

Ok so here it is~

Yes darlings, I’m going to perform in a concert by SMU Chamber Choir.

Details:

Date/Time : Tuesday, 10 February 2009. 7.30 PM.
Venue : Esplanade Recital Studio
Ticket : free seating, each at $16

Yes the tickets are only at $16 and revenue from the tickets will be used to aid our fund to go to Russia! Wheeee! After Poland, now Russia!

If you want tickets, you can either contact me or email them at chamberchoir@smu.edu.sg.

What are the songs?

Ah yes, this is the question most people asked. So here’s the info. We’re going to sing songs from all over the world in so many languages. Basically, in the concert there will be small sections/themes and songs will fit that theme. We have songs from Latin America (Argentinian tango, Brazilian folk song), we also have gospel songs (in English), and we also have English and French folk songs. I shall say no more, that will be too much spoiler

So if you want to see me singing, if you want to see some cute girls/guys singing, or simply want to enjoy our musical journey, I look forward seeing you there! (please reserve a ticket first though ) 

I thank those blogger friends who are going

• Daphne Maia
• Hendri Budi
• Robert (Brokenshardz)
• Krisandro
• Nathalia (singingcoconut)
• Xiao Ling (secretss)

They say you have to think that it’s true to make it really true.

I’m not dead, I’m pretty much alive. Grandpa is here, and he got amputated because his wound is infected and the infection is spreading up. However he is already discharged now and generally very fine. Well if one can joke about one’s amputated feet, I guess one is ok.

Mom has just gone back to Jakarta yesterday afternoon after a sudden announcement to me. She booked a ticket to go home at January 10 but yesterday (January afternoon I suddenly got sms that pretty much said “Vi, Mom is at Changi airport, going back to Jakarta soon”. WHAT? And lo and behold, my phone went out of battery. I borrowed a friend’s phone to call her. Apparently she changed her date to January 8 at the day itself. Whew.

So with Mom gone I’m gonna be taking charge of taking care of grandpa. I mean, there’s another uncle, but he’s going back at January 10 and my grandma.. Well she’s better taking care of grandpa domestically. There’s also another uncle coming on Saturday (yes, the same day as my other uncle going back. I have 2 uncles) but before he gets the knack of it all, I’m gonna be in charge.

School has started and doing fine. The only thing that I dread is that I have make up classes due to public holidays  (so what holiday, really?). And in someone’s convenience, my 2 make up classes just HAVE to be in the same day, at the exact same time. Blah. 

So all in all, life is good