Act cute look

(First time trying mineral make up from Everyday Minerals!)

ROAR

(Eyeshadows from Shu Uemura and Bourjois. Eyeliner from The Body Shop. Using mineral make up foundation and blush)

Nah. No photoshop at all for these photos.

Can’t talk much. Headache diagnosed as migraine. Have to rest. Tata.

I decided to extend my internship so that I will meet my 10-week requirement. Hence I’m skipping the first week of school.

It’s not based on a shallow reason to complete my 10-week requirement. It’s solely based on my preference that next time i would like to undertake another type of internship (not IS internship). IS internship requires at least 10 weeks, and if I don’t finish my IS internship now, I will need to do another IS internship later. And which company will offer 1-week internship? That means, if I don’t finish the 10-week now, I will have to embark on another full IS internship and thus hampering me to do another type of internship.

And in the theme of “since so many people asked…”, my 2nd major is Corporate Communications.
I know IS+Corporate Communications = ? or even bleh, but never mind. It is what I like to do, and that’s it.

Have a great day all…
I’m so looking forward to be back at school! I miss school!

Take a look at this..

Yes the photo is photoshopped. Don’t bitch.

Anyway, it was my first time using fake eyelashes! Bought a starter kit in Sasa, which I don’t recommend buying at all! It cost me 16.90 and it consists of one pair of falsies, glue, and eyelash applicator. But then! The eyelash applicator is only a piece of plastic folded into two and supposedly will help you hold the falsies. The eyelashes were made in Indonesia (HAHAHA OMG), and the glue is just so little. DON’T BUY. SERIOUSLY.

A view from the side (so you can really see the falsies)

Just as my hair, my eyelashes are straight, as in very very straight and very “weak”. As in, it always drops down. Nothing can help it. I’ve tried the eyelash curler, the conventional one and the battery-operated one with the heating base. Mascara, no matter how curvy the brush is, doesn’t really work either. What did work was I put on some mascara and curl it after that. I know it’s the wrong order, but it was the only thing that worked!

But anyway with my pretty falsies I can do more! And prettier!

So yes, fake means beautiful here.

But right now please let me hating you for being away. Because I’m selfish.

A la Blair Waldorf in the most heartbreaking Gossip Girl episode : Why did you leave without saying goodbye?

And maybe I’m a coward because I have no heart nor courage to stand up, confront you, and say just a simple sentence. You hurt me, and now why do you have to go?

And I decided to blog it because then I can pretend that you read it and you can pretend that it’s not you and we’ll both stay in silence and pretense that we know nothing and we are not involved or connected in anything.

So I forgot. The day you’re supposed to be gone. You already told me. I joked that you’re leaving Singapore, the country that is funding you, on their national day. On that darned National Day I still had works to do coz I just encountered hiccups in my internship and I brought home my work to rectify all the mistakes. So yeah. I just forgot. Poof. I forgot.

I already bought a card for me to write on. I refused to participate in the scrapbook because I said I wanted to make something by myself and they agreed. But I forgot. The card is still there, untouched, unopened. Just like another card I initially bought for you long long time ago but I never had the opportunity to give it because it was not appropriate.

I tried to talk to you as much as I can just before you go, did you realize that? I talked and talked, called you on Gtalk or MSN, just to buy me time until I could say it. Until I could ask. Until I could let you know. Perhaps I didn’t need any reactions. Or perhaps I was imagining how happy it all turned out to be at the end. I might be. I don’t wanna tell you and you don’t need to know. Perhaps you don’t want to know.

So here it goes. This is what I wanted to say.

Hi. You were a good friend of mine. At least I considered you to be so. I could tell you the story of how my life went for that day. You also. You even told me how that time you were stuck in a MRT station coz some idiot decided to kill himself in Admiralty MRT station. We went to churches together because we wanted to do “church-hopping”. We’re Catholics, so what church we’re visiting for the mass doesn’t matter. We ate meals together. At one point of time I felt that I like you more than friends and I thought you felt the same. So there we were, without any certainty, without any words said, we became closer.

And then we were torn apart. By something I don’t know until now. You suddenly became far and at first I just kept silent because I thought you became busy (you did) and maybe, just maybe, later you would have time to spend with me once again and we would sit together for the longest time and talk to each other about the weirdest stuff. Just nice. Just the things I want.

But then you didn’t come back.

I didn’t know how long it was until I realized that you would not come back. MSNs were replied short and cold. Hi-byes became less frequent. Suddenly all degraded to the level of acquaintance. Hi-bye, several short conversations when we need to, and that was it. I lost you.

You know what, it’s not that I still like you or love you or whatever that romantic feeling is that I’m writing this right now, reliving the memories I should not still remember dearly because I’m attached now.

I am now happily attached. For more than 8 months already, and we’re still going strong. Yes, I do love him, and it was not a “sudden” thing that I got attached to him, as you have always inquired. (“Why so sudden? Suddenly you got attached with him?”)

But anyway I don’t want to argue about my relationship with him. You need to know that I do love him.

So here it goes. This is what I want to say.

You hurt me. Badly.

I guess I will never know the reason why you decided to stop pursuing our relationship and I don’t think I need to know. But what hurt me the most was the silence. Even a negative statement wouldn’t hurt this bad. You kept silent. You kept me in confusion, in uncertainty. Back then I would love to wait if you’re busy or whatever. I would love to be understanding and patient enough. I liked you, as if that wasn’t obvious enough. But it was silence that I got. What is silence? Approving silence? Or I-hate-you-now-so-I-won’t-talk-to-you-anymore silence? Or whatever silence?

Silence is not good. I hate silence. I hate that silence state of ours. At first I thought that silence meant we understand each other and stuff but actually I didn’t know. And I don’t know.

So that was the first one. You hurt me with your silence. You hurt me with your uncertainty and sudden withdrawal from my life.

And here goes the next one.

After I-don’t-know-how-long period of crying and thinking what’s wrong and assuming, I finally realized.
I felt hurt so so badly not only because I liked you and our relationship didn’t go well.
But because I lost a friend. A good friend.
I was alone in Singapore goddammit and you were among the first friends I had and you were kind, even though sarcastic, and helpful.

And now here I am.
Forgetting you. The you I knew back then.
I have already tried my best to erase all the “romantic” memories. I deleted the pictures you took with my phone. Or maybe I didn’t, but I transferred it to somewhere and now I’ve forgotten where I put it. I just can’t wear that watch again, which you have set 5 minutes earlier because I was once late meeting you. There are some other things that I have conveniently forgotten, even though I know some other things existed.

And now here I am.
Attached. Not to you.

And now here I am.
Hating you. For hurting me without you even knowing. For making me feel abandoned as a friend. For going away without any chance to patch up even our friendship. For leaving without saying goodbye (even though it was my fault).

And now here I am.
Feeling so bloody stupid writing this and going to publish it soon. Because it doesn’t mention names and it’s so stupid writing an angry and emo letter not addressed to anyone. And hoping in vain and silence that it will struck a chord or something. But why should you, yes? Because it was not directed to you.. Probably.

And now here I am.
Not expecting any response. It’s the matter of saying it out not the matter of how it would turn out.
I just wanted to say what I feel. I wanted to let you know what you did to me.

And now that I’ve said (typed) what I wanted to say,
I’m signing off.

From your life too. Probably.

Cece is not coming home to Jakarta this year due to one or many reasons Cece hates. Cece was very, very busy, and then Cece Fiona sms-ed Cece to say that you had been born, and named Nicole days before. Cece was quite pissed, why didn’t she get told immediately earlier? Why did they forget me? Seems like your Kuku (auntie) and Kuchong (uncle) and other Ceces were too busy to inform Cece.

Soon enough, Cece Fiona updated Cece again. She said you were born with only one eye, and it had not been known whether it worked properly. Cece’s heart broke. But Cece still wanted to see you, even once. Cece wanted you to know and recognize Cece, who was also eager to see you coming to world.

But what can Cece do?

Yesterday, amidst of many unread Twitter messages that Cece was too lazy to read, Cece found an sms from Cece Fiona. It was just a sentence. One sentence. Five words.

“Nicole has just passed away….”

Cece cried. Hard.
Cece doesn’t really know why. She’s never seen you. You didn’t even know that Cece existed. Even Cece’s family had not been very eager to share news about you to Cece.
But Cece cried.

Perhaps you didn’t want to be a burden to your parents, who has already had 3 children. Perhaps you were suffering so much. Perhaps you couldn’t bear to see your parents suffering. Perhaps you didn’t want to live an imperfect life, and wanted to leave as soon as possible while you can.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps.. Quizás quizás quizás…

Whatever it might be……..

It’s unbelievable. It’s surreal. Before Cece has even had a chance to witness your existence, you are gone.

Rest in peace, Nicole.
Cece loves you. Cece knows she does. Even though she’s never seen you.

For a n00b like me this is quite good okay!

The before…

The after!

Chio (pretty)?

Click on images to enlarge.

Was too lazy to put it side by side. Hahaha XD

Update : I found out how to do image on hover!

I know you love me
Coz when I was eating and dropped crumbs everywhere
You juz took some tissue papers and cleaned it.
You laughed and said “It’s okay”

I know you love me
Coz when you enter my ever-so-messy room
a room that’s completely out of your comfort zone of neatness and tidiness and cleanliness
You don’t care about it.
You laughed and said “It’s okay”

I know you love me
Coz when I don’t put some stuff back to where it was
You just took it and put it back on the right place.
You laughed and said “It’s okay”

I know you love me
Coz when I started to cry
You never once said “Don’t cry”
You hugged me and caressed my head
You said “It’s okay….”

I know you love me
Coz when I talked to you about all this
You laughed
and said
“It’s okay… It’s just you”

“And I love you the way you are”

I want to tell you…

I love you too

That someone did something wrong. It annoyed you. It made you a loss of something. Loss of happiness. Loss of serenity. Loss of… You know what I mean.

Ok, so you’re annoyed. You blast at that someone. At some unfortunate moments, that someone will blast back. You will say he/she is wrong. He/she will state otherwise. And it will go on and on…

And then what?

Will that something that was lost come back?
Will the fighting do any good for a relationship?

So far as I know, I always stopped at the middle of a fight. I just simply stopped. Coz those thoughts always dawn on me… What is this for?

If I’m staying silent when someone is angry with me, am I wrong?

So far as I can remember, answering to someone angry just results in worse things. I experienced it. And to say it simply it horrifies me until now and maybe.. just maybe.. for the rest of my life.

I’m scared as hell when somebody is angry with me. Even when I’m not wrong. Some people will stand up to say that they’re not wrong but I can’t. I tried. I tried to throw tantrums back. But in the end it yielded nothing.

So I don’t know… But for this time I just don’t wanna fight no more.

PS Sorry if the post is incoherent and confusing. I am in a confused state also now. Work (internship) is making me weary and I wonder why because there wasn’t so much work actually. Fights after fights turned me sour. And financial problems are always chasing me. Rent, utilities bill, course fee, transportation fund, food fund.. Now I really realize that the cost of living in Singapore has increased. In just 2 years. 2 freaking years. That much. And the bad news is Indonesia is not really growing so I have to spend more in terms of Indonesian money (rupiah) for less things I can afford in Singapore dollars. And this PS is freaking long. I’m out, ppl.

PPS If someone is willing to give me some freelance work.. I’ll be delighted to do so.

12 hours flight from Singapore to Paris.
2 hours flight from Paris to Warsaw.
+/- 4 hours bus from Warsaw to Sopot.
Oh God.

The next time you’re hearing from me again, I’ll be somewhere in Europe! (or rather in Changi airport using the free internet =P)

See you people! Expect stories and photos from me! Will be back in Singapore on the 3rd of June.

Sony Cybershot T-70!!

Super stylish, right?

I have been smitten with this beauty ever since the last disaster happened in Suntec City which goes by the name IT Show. It was love at first sight.

I went around Funan to get this stuff. Well, I once went to Sim Lim Square days ago but every salesperson there was so rude and making me uncomfortable. (”Are you buying or just asking?” WTF)
I settled at Song Brothers Funan. It was cheaper than the retail price ($499). It was $485. Ok, not that much difference but the free gift that comes with it matters. For this I’ve got extra battery, extra memory (4 GB), FOC card reader, a screen protector, and a case. Other stores actually offer other free gifts like flash memory, tripod, etc etc. They all offer $499. A tripod sounds like a good free gift but I don’t really need tripod anyway since I’ll be mostly shooting things on my way (and yes, of course my Europe trip!!). One store offered me reduced price original battery but it all went up to $500++. No can do. One store had a price so low but the salesperson “attacked” me by directly asking what colour I want just after I asked the price. Whoa, slow down buddy.

At first I wanted to buy the white one (to erm, well, match my macbook). But they didn’t have the stock of the white one. Other options were silver and pink. I don’t like silver stuff (even though i love the colour) since usually it scratches easily and the scratch will be visible.
Case in point : my dear Nokia N70.
(I juz realized my stuff have 70 in it)

oh and of course this photo was taken using the spanking new T70.
Oh anyway. Pink? Nah.. The pink looks… kinda fragile to me. If I want a pink camera, I would prefer this T2 pink. If I want to go “yuckz”, I’ll go to the really “yuckz”.

Ok, the pink is cute but it’s really yuckz for me. Sorry.

This T2 is $100 more expensive with bigger internal memory. But with $100 less I get free extra memory anwyay, so yah.
Aaanyway. I finally chose black coz it looks sturdy and elegant. Hehe.

Hope I’ll have great fun with this beauty!