(something like) Spelling Bee in My English Exam

So if you guys follow me on Twitter/@sylvdoanx, you should have seen my public breakdown over my then impending grade 8 piano exam.

I know it’s not a school exam or something, but let me tell you, piano exam is much much worse than school exam. Because unlike in written exam when you can try hard to access your memory, practical piano exam is a one-off, now-or-never thing. Once you slip when doing something – that’s it. That is it. From passing with distinction to passing with merit in just one slip.

A little more technical here, one thing I hated the most (because I’m no good at it – simple, right?) was the 6th apart scale. Just for you laymen, basically you have to play a scale (something like doremifasolatido-dotilasofamiredo), but your hands/fingers start on different notes (6 steps apart). And you have to play it 4 octaves up and down (simply saying, you play it 4 times continuously).

Wait, what? So difficult?

Oh, yes, apparently. Now, I understand the importance of playing scales in order to play piano well – it’s all about balancing the power and making the lines as smooth as possible (if you don’t get this, don’t worry, not important), yet I don’t understand making it compulsory to test these freaking scales on piano exam. At the end of the day, playing these scales requires more brain-teasing work instead of paying close attention to how I play my piano correctly. It’s more like they’re trying to test my brain, or muscle memory, instead of my musicality.

As per my title, it’s just like they ask you to do a spelling bee or a tongue twister and you’ll be graded for it in your English exam. It’s not how you can use English or how you can play piano anymore!

I know, I know. Maybe I’m just bitter coz I didn’t do well on my 6th apart (and my 3rd apart) scales. Whatever. I hope the examiner is nice enough not to let me repeat this hellish grade 8 exam. Ugh.

Image by myself! Press on Deviantart

From Baby to Biggie (or so we thought)

I, like many other people in the whole world, am sometimes peeved by the way my parents still treat me as a baby. Thankfully they don’t call me up at night and ask me whether I’ve eaten anymore (ugh, so Asian!), but they still feel that they have an authority over me to decide some stuff.

Perhaps it’s this “adult syndrome”, or perhaps more appropriately “21 syndrome”, when you feel that you have reached that stage where you should be allowed to make decisions solely by yourself without any influence by any other people.

Too many people correlate this privilege with age though. Which is age-ist. Sometimes I don’t think numbers really show how mature you really are.

Though I have thought of myself of being more mature than people my age, then again, who am I to say? I might be 20 going on 21 but I still cry like a baby whenever I miss my dad/people at home.

Furthermore, I’m a first child of the family. After +/- 20 years babying me, it must be pretty hard for my parents to adapt to the fact that I’m all grown up (or so I thought!).

And hence, I think I’m gonna enjoy this baby-ing stage a little bit more until my parents become too busy to baby me. Haha!

A Case of Too Many Choices

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that I had gone to a “specific” school.

If you go to a medicine school, you become a doctor.
You go to a nursing academy, you become a nurse.
Go to a teacher’s institute and you become a teacher.

And yet I go to SMU and soon enough I’ll hold Bachelor of Science in Information Systems Management degree with second major in Corporate Communications.

That’s both the wonder and the curse of it – I can apply to a really wide spectrum of jobs. With my IT(S) degree I can apply to many IT-related jobs. Or I can start in PR since I had a double major in it. Perhaps a little marketing too since I did an internship kinda related to it.

Sometimes I just wish my path was kinda narrower, and it was clearer.

But I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to do (unlike those people that voluntarily entered specific schools because they knew what they wanted to do), and I’m not even sure if I know now…

Are you what you listen?

We’ve heard a lot of cliches around this : you are what you eat, you are what you wear, you are what you do, etc etc. But are you really what you listen? And do you define what you listen by how you define yourself?

I’m pondering about this since my choir (visit SMU Chamber Choir Fan Page if you’d like to) was visited by a vocal coach from Philippines. He did technical stuff like breathing, posture, sound production that I would not go into detail else I’ll bore a lot of you out. Not that there’s a lot of you in the first place.

After all technical stuff, before he left he said that the way to improve our singing is to listen to more choral works. He then went on to recommend some people, or rather groups, to listen to. And I just couldn’t stop pondering.

You see, if you have followed my blog from the beginning, you would know that I don’t only listen to choral or classical stuff. Review my music category. I listen to some pop, some rock, some electronica, some lounge music, and every other thing as I feel like it. In fact, I think my choral music collection is like… 5% of my whole collection?

Do we really have to listen to music that defines who we are? Do they have to match?

I don’t think we should choose a music, or any interest, first then decide how we should act. If I like emo songs (I do like some), do I have to sport the over-one-eye hair cut and write sad poems? If I like rock songs, do I have to sport studs and funky hair? If I like classical songs, do I have to act all nerdy? Do I really have to fulfill all those stereotypes only because I like a type of music? And is it fair to judge a person just based on what music they listen to? (or based on their interests?)

All I’m saying – sometimes people identify a group, and then identify themselves. Isn’t this backwards? I think we should identify ourselves first and then join a group.

But then again, this is only a personal opinion. But I’ll stand true – I don’t want to listen to choral music just because I sing in a choir. I don’t want to limit my choices – there is a lot of great music of any genres out there.

What do you think? Do you think you define yourself by your music – or does your music define you?

Sorry I Don’t Speak Bahasa

I think I just wanna write this post as a public service so that people will stop the misunderstandings that the language that Indonesian people use is called “Bahasa”.

“So, do you speak Bahasa?”
“Er… Yeah?”

You see, people, the word “bahasa” actually means “language” in Indonesian. Bahasa Inggris means English language. Bahasa Cina means Chinese language. So when you ask people whether they speak Bahasa, then the answer will always be yes, right?

I think a lot of people tried to “localize” their figure of speech by saying “Bahasa”, but really, sometimes it just seems stupid to answer a question whether you speak a language.

So, bottom line – it’s either Bahasa Indonesia or Indonesian language, or even only “Indonesian”.

Sorry, I don’t speak Bahasa.

Hello Twenty Ten

I realized I haven’t really ushered in the new year 2010 and to me that’s like a customary tradition on my blog.

Yeah, right. Like you have any tradition, Sylv.

Anyway, this year shall be a scary year for me. A lot of transformation will take place this year. I’ll be 21, legal for everything, considered adult for everything (like, finally???). I’ll finish school life and begin a corporate life (that is, if I find a job, of course). I will lose weight for good, and I mean it! I’ll look like what I used to look like and probably better

I have mixed feelings about those big, possibly life-changing upcoming events. It can be drastic, mind-boggling, but I’m excited about them anyway.

I hope this year will be an exciting one for you too.

Cheating is Allowed…. on TV.

I’m appalled at the amount of adultery and disrespect of marriage messages actually found in popular TV series. And why oh why, I ask, does it have to be on my favourite shows?

Warning : this post may contain spoilers of Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, and Gossip Girl.

So I just finished watching Glee ep 13 last night and the last scene of the fall finale was Mr Schuester, the protagonist, kissing Ms Pilsbury, the “will-they-or-won’t-they” girl for Mr Schuester on screen. I guess it’s “they will” now.

Problem is? Mr Schuester is married. Well, for now, anyway. He proudly proclaimed that he’s leaving his wife on the day of Ms Pilsbury’s supposed wedding.

Oh, so just because you left your wife you’re free to kiss another girl?

I’m pretty sure that a lot of Glee lovers were cooing “Awwww” at the scene but to me it was a disgusting scene.

Pardon me, but I was not raised believing marriage is “I love you so let’s try out and see if this works and if I’m not happy we’ll just leave each other” thing. It’s not even a continuation of years of infatuation and butterflies and gazing into each other’s eyes. It’s a commitment, sealed for life. Isn’t it obvious from the vows? For better of for worse, through good times and bad times?

I remember spending 5 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy cursing in my head, telling Meredith and Derek to just break up for good. (As Grey’s Anatomy viewers will know, they break up and patch up a million times) I don’t know whether the fact has been blurry because it’s not even mentioned again for 5 seasons, but Meredith and Derek started out when he was still married. Yes, Addison, Derek’s then wife, cheated on him, but did that really give him a license to go have a one-night-stand with some chick in a bar AND THEN eventually “marrying” her? (Sorry, vows on a blue post-it don’t quite cut it for me) I’m sorry to say this, but dammit, keep your dick at its place before you get done with divorce and everything!

I’m quite pissed that the media portrays those adulteries as okay, manageable, fine, whatever thesaurus you can put here. What exactly is the intention? If those shows keep doing this, there will be no surprise that the divorce rate in the USA and probably the rest of the world will keep going up. Oh sorry, it’s already happening now? Maybe later people will not want to get married anyway – too much trouble just for legalizing commitment and sex eh?

My stand is – sometimes marriages don’t work. It’s true. But according to your vows, you’re committed to work the kink out. But obviously, not by having a relationship when it’s all chaos. Seriously, why add oil to the fire?

Endnote: I just realized the same theme is ongoing on Gossip Girl – Serena with Tripp.

The End is Near

As cliche as it may sound, it’s true.

My years in SMU (and possibly Singapore) is ending. In approximately 7 months, I will receive a fancy-looking scroll, take photos in my big baggy regalia, and throw my square hats to the air.

When I first came to SMU, I was 17. I thought I was ready for everything – I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do yet. I thought within 4 years, something, somehow, would come to me and I would steer my way to that.

But nuh-uh. Not quite. Sadly.

When I first tried my hands on programming/coding, I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. Then more stuff came about networking, information security, enterprise integration, architectural analysis, more network infrastructure, etc etc etc. I thought maybe I should just find my feet. Maybe it would get better.

It didn’t.

Year after year, I spent my years in SMU (still) trying to find out what I should do in life. I kept doing everything I want. I blogged actively and became active in a blogging scene. I joined a choir and sang with them in a myriad of performances. I even tried out to become a songwriter – my song was showcased in a musical play in 2008. I managed a gamelan (Indonesian music ensemble) club. I did two internships. I did a web design/development one, and then I did an online marketing (as account executive) one.

I kept waiting for that one moment when, at the drop of a hat, I feel some butterflies – when I feel that this is what I want to do. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is what I’m glad to be doing now – and many years to come.

It didn’t come.

So right now, as the end is looming, I’ve given some thoughts that there are two things that I can do right now.

1. Keep trying different things. Even if I don’t like it, at least I’ll know what I’m not supposed to do.

2. Choose. Separate the sheep from the goats. And make peace, be at ease with whatever my choice is.

Right now, I know my time is running out to try even more different things. Honestly? After 20 years, I’m tired. My parents were great to give me a lot of opportunities to try and do different things. But I’m tired now. I’m 20, I’m about to graduate from university, I suck at school, and I have no direction where to go.

So the next best thing is to choose. Yet I don’t know what to choose, what to do for many many years to come. How can I plan for those years to come if I can’t even decide what to do immediately after I finished all my classes in SMU? Should I go to China to study Mandarin? Should I go back to Jakarta and enjoy relaxed life before working life? Should I stay in Singapore and try to find a job immediately?

Hell, I can’t even plan on what to eat tomorrow.

PS: If you see a lot of idioms scattered around this post, this is because my professor suggested me that I should practice on using more idioms. I’m glad that she actually likes my writing, but she said my grammar and use of idioms let me down. So this is the best avenue to practice!