You’re Still Alive
At least in my mind.
I still think you’re still alive, though hardly….
I still think you’re still existing, though on a bed, unable to move, or speak properly.
I plurked so many times about how I didn’t feel like going back to Singapore.
I talked about how I didn’t feel like going back to everyone I know.
But I had to go back. Though to watch a musical play so close to my heart which unfortunately brought disappointments for me. And school was going to start again.
Do you know that I cried when I reached Singapore?
I was in class when the news about your demise came. I tried so hard to contain my tears. I was in class, FGS. But then I went for choir practice, as normally as possible, as if nothing ever happened.
Perhaps I’m not over the first stage of grief yet.
Or perhaps the pain was so great it numbed me.
I’m sad, I’m very sad beyond belief.
I still remember how you always bring my lunch to school when I was in primary school.
I remember all your funny and sarcastic remarks over any gossips – celebrities or family members alike.
I remember your grief when your beloved husband died after fighting a cruel disease. Oh yeah, sometimes I still think he’s still alive too..
I remember your annoyances and peeves about your kids – and your unconditional love for them.
I remember various business stints you did – from selling bedsheets, curtains, your home-made spring rolls and otahs, to the ever successful stationery shop.
And for that, I declare you’re still alive.
In my mind.
Rest in peace………….
Your niece,
Sylvia a.k.a Vivi/Ah Vi
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6 Responses to “You’re Still Alive”
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on 
on 
on 
apalah arti sebuah nama
on March 16th, 2009
hmm…
entrynya telat 2 minggu(-1 hari) yah
Christian
on March 16th, 2009
hmm..ini soal yg lo ceritain ke gue waktu itu yah??sodara lo itu??
nice jg tulisan soal hal2 sehari2 gini…jd inget dulu waktu masih ngeblog…skrg udah nggak sempet nih..
Sylvia Giacinta
on March 16th, 2009
jubekadut – so?
christian – iya gitu deh…
apalah arti sebuah nama
on March 16th, 2009
loh kok tau????
Rika
on March 16th, 2009
hmmmmmmm………….
mom…
mom…….
It’s really hard for me to (finally) let you go, to (finally) let you (re)unite with dad….
I wished I could explain how hard it was…
*though as your daughter who loves you so (damn) much, I should be ‘happy’…
because it was killing me to see you suffered like that… (I knew, you’d been fighting for the disease, and you seemed so strong)..
and moreover..
because you’re with dad and HIM now..
you are cured now..
you can walk now…
you can run now…
you can eat whatever you like now…
you can sew your fancy dress now….
you can sleep well without ever feeling the pain you’d had, now…
It’s too bad, we can’t do those things together…
Mom..
If you’ve met dad, say hello to him and do tell that we (your children) are OK..
If you’ve met God, do smile at Him (and hug HIm if you could), and tell Him that I say this:
“Lord, thank You for giving me and koko the best gift of our lives… now that they’re with You now, I believe You’ll take a good care of them, until the moment we all reunite.. (Amien..)*
Mom, Dad…..
thank you for ‘making’ me something..
and (as the daughter who loves you both,,, DAMN I REALLY DO!) I promise to be the ’something’ that makes you both proud…….
I promise……….
I really do…………..
*Please watch me from (up) there, mi.. pi..*
–your daughter–
Rika
Droo
on March 19th, 2009
Ikut sedih ngebacanya, Sylv.