My Grey World

My mom called me at 1 AM in the morning one day. I rejected it. Who the hell picks up calls at 1 AM? However soon after she sms-ed me saying that she wished to inform me that Gong-gong (Grandpa) is in critical condition and she wanted me to check about hospitals in Singapore.

And then it hit me.

For years, I’ve been in a very comfortable status quo. Everyone’s alive and well (except my popo-Grandma from father’s side who died when I was about 7 or 8), everyone’s chirpy and a bit nosy, everyone’s loud and cheery.

It hit me that it’s not to last forever. That at some point of time it will all change, or maybe end. Maybe Grandpa will not laugh loudly at silly things his grandchildren do anymore. Maybe Grandma and Mom won’t be so chirpy anymore. Maybe Dad won’t be so smart as he is now. Maybe Gugu (Aunt) won’t cook delicious food anymore. Maybe Mami (another Aunt) won’t give us free stationery anymore (she runs a stationery shop btw).

Gong-gong is a big guy. Imagining him crippled because of his diabetes is just unbearable. He’s got this smile that everyone in family has. A big, warm, happy smile. Does he still smile now?

I usually never wish for anything at Christmas. Well I don’t even celebrate Christmas “that much” even though I’m a Christian.

Christmas wishlist will typically include material things like new gadgets, toys, clothes, and whatnots. But this year, my first ever Christmas wish will be a longer family status quo, where everyone is happy and well (including inside this, of course, for Gong-gong to get well). And if that’s not possible, I wish for strength to get through this all.

So what’s your Christmas wish?

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