My Grey World

05 Nov, 2008

Where is home?

Posted by: Sylvia Giacinta In: sylv.thinking();

Home. One word, four letters. How big is a word that can make me confused and insecure? Only a four-letter word.

So which one should I call home? After 2 years in Singapore, I know I’m very comfortable living here. I miss Singapore when I’m back in Jakarta, and vice versa.

But somehow I think people that claim to be the “native” of places that I’ve lived in don’t really think I should live in the same place with them.

I remember vividly May 1998. How can I ever forget it. (read my reminiscence here) I was barely 9 years old but I can feel the hatred directed to me. To my people. We, the people with fairer skin that live in a fairly big house and go to private school. They say we’re stealing their welfare. They say we’re stealing their jobs. We’ve made them deprived of better life.

I remember how I was made to pay more for my food because of who I am. I remember uncovering a letter of “citizenship confirmation” with my dad’s name on it. Dad said he had to do it because it was compulsory that time. I remember being called names and being whistled at when I’m walking down a street.

Some still accuse us of being snobbish and arrogant because we’re not down-to-earth or in other words refusing to befriend so-called “native” people. Well here’s a shocking truth for you : we’re not. But considering what your so-called brothers in race did to us, it’s natural for us to stay cautious, right?

I moved to Singapore, and ha ha, guess what. I found out that the so-called locals don’t really like us either. “Us” now refers to people who moved to Singapore in search of better place to study, to work, to live. Well how lucky I am to be in the “unwanted” category again?

But ha ha ha. Guess what, Singaporeans. Your government has decided to give me a tuition grant that waived me 60 (that spells SIXTY) percent of my tuition fees, with only condition that requires me to work in any Singapore listed company for 3 years.

I posed this question to Mr. Peter Ho (a member of parliament - sorry I forgot what the exact title of his job is), who came to SMU to deliver a talk titled 4 myths of public service.

“What do you think of the current state, where there are so many migrants coming to Singapore? Do you think it will influence or maybe change public policy in the future?”

It is pretty much a yes-no question, but he answered like this: (paraphrased)

“Well you must remember that Singapore has always been a migrant community. That’s what we’re built upon. So, no, there will be no change whatsoever because Singapore is already a migrant community. I guess Singaporeans must put their emotions aside and accept foreign talents”

So when will Singaporeans, the people born in Singapore, think like Mr Peter Ho? Accept that I, like many other people here, am here not to steal the bowl of rice, but to share it. After all, I believe I and many other people like me are not that evil. We’re thankful of what Singapore has given us. Like, of course, our 60% cut of tuition fees. haha. But really. If I’m asked to give back something to Singapore, I will. It’s not that I’m betraying my country. It’s just being gracious.

I’m pleased to say, though, that I see my current generation is becoming more and more “bonded” together regardless of race or whatever things that differentiate us. I’m glad to say that I mingle easily with Singaporeans, and I have no problem whatsoever communicating to so-called “native” of Indonesia.

Will we see a big change as my current generation grows older? We shall see.. What do you think?

And meanwhile, I’m still confused on which to call home. Maybe I should just call both home. That’d be fair.