My Grey World

Sometimes I don’t see the point of fighting.

That someone did something wrong. It annoyed you. It made you a loss of something. Loss of happiness. Loss of serenity. Loss of… You know what I mean.

Ok, so you’re annoyed. You blast at that someone. At some unfortunate moments, that someone will blast back. You will say he/she is wrong. He/she will state otherwise. And it will go on and on…

And then what?

Will that something that was lost come back?
Will the fighting do any good for a relationship?

So far as I know, I always stopped at the middle of a fight. I just simply stopped. Coz those thoughts always dawn on me… What is this for?

If I’m staying silent when someone is angry with me, am I wrong?

So far as I can remember, answering to someone angry just results in worse things. I experienced it. And to say it simply it horrifies me until now and maybe.. just maybe.. for the rest of my life.

I’m scared as hell when somebody is angry with me. Even when I’m not wrong. Some people will stand up to say that they’re not wrong but I can’t. I tried. I tried to throw tantrums back. But in the end it yielded nothing.

So I don’t know… But for this time I just don’t wanna fight no more.

PS Sorry if the post is incoherent and confusing. I am in a confused state also now. Work (internship) is making me weary and I wonder why because there wasn’t so much work actually. Fights after fights turned me sour. And financial problems are always chasing me. Rent, utilities bill, course fee, transportation fund, food fund.. Now I really realize that the cost of living in Singapore has increased. In just 2 years. 2 freaking years. That much. And the bad news is Indonesia is not really growing so I have to spend more in terms of Indonesian money (rupiah) for less things I can afford in Singapore dollars. And this PS is freaking long. I’m out, ppl.

PPS If someone is willing to give me some freelance work.. I’ll be delighted to do so.