My Grey World

No pun intended.

I know I should be feeling happy and lovey-dovey and all, especially since I’m attached on Valentine’s day, but I really feel kinda sad right now…

It’s just that.. Everything doesn’t turn out as I expected. I haven’t been planning for my Valentine’s day simply because I was too confused on what to do and when I finally decided on something, that plan can’t be executed… =(

I know my boyfriend is planning for me some dinner or some kind, but still.. I feel guilty.. This is a special Valentine for me. I mean, I’ve been attached several times (4 times to be exact) but this time.. It’s really different. I mean, he even took me to see his parents. Ain’t that something? My previous ex-boyfriends only said that they’re going to take our relationship kinda higher but in the end.. Never happened.

And this is the first time that I can spend Valentine’s day away from my parents. I’m not being mean. It’s just that.. I gotta admit that I’m more free. Which means.. I got plenty of opportunities to spend with my boyfriend. My previous relationships have been “back-street” which was kinda fun while having certain limitations.

I know he’s been going so much trouble to plan for something. And, well, you know, it’s the Valentine’s Day. I don’t believe people saying “Why celebrate? Everyday is Valentine’s Day!”. (Seriously, those people must be single.) The Valentine’s Day only happened once a year. And while a year also has so many events to be celebrated (monthversary, anniversary, birthdays), it’s just… Different.

And tomorrow I have a meeting scheduled at 9.30-12.00. And then I have a short piano course from 14.30 to 15.30. And most probably there would be another meeting at 15.30-17.00. See? I can’t get enough time to plan or to buy or to do anything.

Dear my darling,
if you see this,
please know that I feel so bad and guilty and sorry.
And I love you…