My Grey World

Sometimes I pass by the roads we passed together before. Hand in hand, smile on face, nervous giggles and happy chattering. We were happy. Or at least I daresay so.

Sometimes I sit at the same place where we’ve eaten together before. Sometimes even with the same food. And I just can’t help those pictures of our moments playing in my head. I just can’t.

And every Sunday when I go to church, I just wonder why I don’t go with you as we used to be…

And sometimes there’s just this moment where we’re together in the same place, and something or somebody just popped something that surely reminds us of a moment. But we say nothing. I just wonder whether you’re secretly recalling it in your mind, just like I do…

Sometimes I just wonder whether you recall the things the same way I do. How can I forget you, when every inch of Singapore is just reminding me of you?

Time flies. Things will change. We might end up in separate ways, not the way we (or at least I) secretly planned in mind.

I’m never good at one-to-one conversation, so here I tell you. I miss you. Sometimes like hell. Sometimes I tell myself that I don’t. Or at least I tried. Nevertheless I can’t put aside the fact that I really miss you. Not the you I know now. Not the you the people know. People may not know you change, but I do. When people say you’re always committed to whatever you do, I just hide my aching heart inside…

I miss your smile. Not the ordinary smile. That honest wide smile that makes your eyes look even smaller. I might sound pervert but I miss your touch. The warm touch which I never got from anybody. Your hand. Your shoulder.

And I miss sniffing your aroma…

And after countless times I’ve told myself to go on, here I am. Typing this very blogpost with tears running down my cheeks, each of them shouting “I miss you”.

I just wonder whether you ever miss me too…

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