My Grey World

28 Apr, 2006

1st post full english

Posted by: sylv In: Uncategorized

I wanna write in English. Hehe. But I’m not sure whether I’m gonna make this blog in full English or not. Okay, I know that my header, sidebar, biodata, etc. are all in English. But not my posts rite? So, I’ll put a test page, although there were already several posts using full english.
Why? Because I wanna be a part of an international world, and I want my thoughts to be spread all around the world. And the international language a.k.a English will surely help me to do so. Ah, what a reason.
The simple reason is I wanna make friends from all around the world. It’s been my long time dream. I used to think about making penpals all around the world when I was a little girl but then, as the time goes by and the technology grows well, I’m thinking, why writing a goddamn long letters filled with unclear scribblings (yes, my handwriting is as bad as that) when you can simply type an e-mail? Or simply type a simple “hi” in people’s shoutbox. Hehe.
So my Indonesian pals, tell me how you think. And my abroad friends (who are still Indonesian, though), tell me how you think too. I think I’m gonna put a poll on the sidebar immediately.

Yes, to be honest, I’m still a bit reluctant to write this blog in English. It’s not that I have difficulties writing in English. Not a bit, actually. Except for the fokkin grammar of English. (Gee I suddenly remember the times I got 5-out-of-10 marks for my English grammar. Long time ago. Such a sad time.)
Well, I’m afraid that my writing style in English won’t be as good as my writing style in Indonesian. I’m pretty satisfied and confident about my Indonesian writing style but not English. Er, will you guys the readers tell me what you think about my writing style in English? Is it still nice to be read or boring? Tell me. Oh yeah, and I’m not sure whether the readers will get confused or not.

So, talking about my daily life.. How about a broken-heart thingy?
Ah, broken-hearted again. My, my. Poor, poor Sylvia Giacinta a.k.a Sylv. (still being proud of my newly-baptized name) Anyway, does Giacinta suit my name?
I hate being broken-hearted, but still that’s what I have to go thru, rite? And it seems like I’m getting used to it. Getting used to be broken-hearted. Maybe I’m a bit masochist because I like being hurt. No no no. No fuckin way. I am not a masochist. (despite the fact I once hurt myself using my nails when I was crying so hysterically. Just once, guys. Just once.)
But actually, I’m glad about this broken heart. This time, I’m glad. Oh, is that a sign of masochism? Don’t tell me I’m crazy. Please read on first.
Actually I’ve made a beginning of something. Ah, do I need to elaborate that something? But when I began that, I kept thinking about that guy far away, and maybe deep inside hoping that he’d feel the same way.. I’m not really sure about my feeling about the guy here, coz I was kinda afraid that my feeling was still “stuck” on the guy out there.
But now, hey, I already know what his feeling is. (“his” here refers to the guy out there) And so, there will be no more hoping and waiting for me. There’s already a guy here. But well, still, I’m not really sure about his feeling…
But at least, it will free my mind from thinking about that guy out there. And will make me sure to make a really good beginning on “that” stuff.
So.. A hooray for my broken heart?

Anyone to tell me about the “ketindihan” thingy?
Well, the situation when you’re in “almost sleeping” mode (not sleeping, but not fully open-eyed), then you feel that you’re not able to move your body. It feels like you’re being sat on by “something”. (Indonesia : kyk didudukin sesuatu gituuu)
And it feels terrible. And it occurs often. And it really distracts me, and makes me feel afraid.
Maybe it’s better to be “sat on” when your eyes are closed. But in my situation, my eyes were wide open and I didn’t see anything at all but the real scene of my bedroom. Not a single thing upon my body and I felt being “sat on”!
Such a scary experience. Anyone, tell me please.
Yea, I was thinking that I just had a dream but then, it felt so real. I could (barely) shout for help, I could see the real scene of my bedroom, and my eyes were open!
Oh my, my. Someone help me please.

Ciao for now.

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